Brick by Brick
Grief is so hard. So irreversible. So lonely.
It's like a package delivered to you that you didn't order, you don't want to open, and yet it is yours. A burden you are forced to carry everywhere you go. At first, it is obvious to everyone - the massive load of bricks you carry - the pain, the loss, the empty chair, the tears, the sadness, the depression, the unexpected behavior of the family left to mourn their beloved. Presumed, even acceptable.
Then, somewhere, sometime, somehow - your burden becomes invisible to others. As if they put their tiny package of acknowledgement away, did their "time" in whatever way they chose to grieve with you, and let it slide under the couch, never to be seen or felt again. Their hour of mourning, now neatly discarded in yesterday's news, completely out of their thoughts.
While we who are left with a gaping hole the size of our loved one, still carry that black bag with us every moment, every day, with every breath we take it becomes a grafted part of ourselves. It taints everything we do, colors the way we live, infuses into our very existence. We are not the same person anymore. We become sullen, unpredictable, obsessive, angry, delirious, erratic, confusing, find amusement in strange things, and mostly pretty disturbing to be around. It can drive yourself crazy even. That's when they wonder "what's bothering you?"
You see, they have long forgotten that enormous load you still carry. The one you will carry until your last breath on earth. The one that holds every sweet memory, every possible indelible sound of their voice you can grasp, every single item you can't bear to part with, and every single moment you have endured without your cherished one.
They can not even comprehend why we still "brood" over our loss, if they have never felt the sting of death. But even if they have, they are not you. They may even be in the same family, with the same loss as you. Everyone takes grief differently, with so many variables. As many personalities and fingerprints we all have, how we relate to the departed, and circumstances surrounding the death, can create so many different forms of grieving.
If you are reading this, and you cannot get past the regrets, the "what if's", the "I should have just", the torment of it all, can be too overwhelming on your own; please, please, please, find someone to listen. Just being able to talk out loud to a person, can do more than you think. Whether it is someone you know who is a good listener, a family member, counselor, or minister - what matters is getting help to learn how to carry this burden we must carry alone. Just because we have this weight no one else may relieve us from, it doesn't require sequestering ourselves to walk the journey. We may choose the solitude on some days, which is perfectly fine when we need down time, but we also need human interaction and someone to guide us on this broken terrain.
Imagine your life as a house built of bricks. Each day, every action, every choice, every human bond you strengthen, every dream you pursue, every hope you treasure, builds another brick onto your house. Adversely, every wrong turn, every failure, every enemy you make, every broken dream, every loss you face, every undesirable situation, makes those same bricks crumble down. Some days may be breaking more bricks than building them, no one is perfect. What do you do when the entire house comes crashing down around you? Where do you turn? What hope do you have?
The most important part of your house is the foundation. Is there anything left holding up your house? If the foundation was only a sandy beach, it won't be much good in the storm.
We are all created to search, to be needy, to crave, to desire something bigger than us.
Most of our childhood is spent learning how to "do it myself", and many of us never grow out of that selfish stage where we realize there are some things we can never do alone.
We become hamsters on a treadmill, running and never arriving, always looking for that next big thing.
When brother's toy isn't enough, we want sister's trike.
We get tired of Johnny's cool bike and need that cool truck.
Then, a truck doesn't go as fast as that beautiful sports car, and what good is a car without a girl to ride along?
Soon, you find your old job isn't getting you up the ladder fast enough, and your yard isn't as big as the Jones'.
Well, supper has to be eaten in five minutes so you can take little Charlie to ball practice and Sally to dance class, and that stupid phone just cracked on the pavement when your three dogs chased the cat across your spotless lawn, digging a few holes as they tried burying another bone.
Nothing is ever good enough, no one has time to stop and enjoy the beautiful sunset.
We begin questioning the madness of it all, and look for ways to ease the stress. Some can't wait for Friday night, to drown their troubles in just one more bottle. Some think love is the answer, and hope maybe this is the perfect one to fulfill all their wishes. Some might stay at work just a little longer, until they are burning both ends, not noticing the wick is almost gone. Some even go overboard in religion, trying to please a demanding, cold, harsh god. Some dabble in drugs, losing every one around them including their whole self. Some are only seeking a thrill or two, just anything to ignore that ache inside. The nagging, squirming feeling that there must be something more than this.
So what happens when the unspeakable happens, when you wish time could be rewound, and you could have said that last goodbye, you could hold them one more time, and you could say "I love you" like before?
But now all you hold are memories.
Cold, unfeeling and sterile. I know.
There is something more, something bigger than us, something to hold onto when life as we know it comes crashing down. I know this, and maybe, you know this too. Perhaps you don't know. You can't believe in anything right now.
Everything you've ever known seems to crumble into yesterday. Time has stopped for you. All is lost, why carry on?
We must carry on, because they can not.
What are we to do with the time we have left?
Live, for those who once did.
Love, with as much love as you have tucked in your heart.
Remember, every little memory you keep, for that is how they are shared with others.
Never stop grieving, that is the nature of your love for them.
When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable,
and the mortal with immortality,
then the saying that has been written will come true: 'Death has been swallowed up in victory'. -1 Corinthians 15:54
"Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep.
For the Lord Himself will come down from heaven with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God,
And the dead in Christ will rise first.
After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air.
And so we will be with the Lord forever.
Therefore encourage each other with these words." 1Thessalonians 4:13-18
↝ Stories from the journey of my life ↜ written by: Sue Leerhoff ↝ follow me on my Facebook page ↜ - Brick by Brick
It's like a package delivered to you that you didn't order, you don't want to open, and yet it is yours. A burden you are forced to carry everywhere you go. At first, it is obvious to everyone - the massive load of bricks you carry - the pain, the loss, the empty chair, the tears, the sadness, the depression, the unexpected behavior of the family left to mourn their beloved. Presumed, even acceptable.
Then, somewhere, sometime, somehow - your burden becomes invisible to others. As if they put their tiny package of acknowledgement away, did their "time" in whatever way they chose to grieve with you, and let it slide under the couch, never to be seen or felt again. Their hour of mourning, now neatly discarded in yesterday's news, completely out of their thoughts.
While we who are left with a gaping hole the size of our loved one, still carry that black bag with us every moment, every day, with every breath we take it becomes a grafted part of ourselves. It taints everything we do, colors the way we live, infuses into our very existence. We are not the same person anymore. We become sullen, unpredictable, obsessive, angry, delirious, erratic, confusing, find amusement in strange things, and mostly pretty disturbing to be around. It can drive yourself crazy even. That's when they wonder "what's bothering you?"
You see, they have long forgotten that enormous load you still carry. The one you will carry until your last breath on earth. The one that holds every sweet memory, every possible indelible sound of their voice you can grasp, every single item you can't bear to part with, and every single moment you have endured without your cherished one.
They can not even comprehend why we still "brood" over our loss, if they have never felt the sting of death. But even if they have, they are not you. They may even be in the same family, with the same loss as you. Everyone takes grief differently, with so many variables. As many personalities and fingerprints we all have, how we relate to the departed, and circumstances surrounding the death, can create so many different forms of grieving.
If you are reading this, and you cannot get past the regrets, the "what if's", the "I should have just", the torment of it all, can be too overwhelming on your own; please, please, please, find someone to listen. Just being able to talk out loud to a person, can do more than you think. Whether it is someone you know who is a good listener, a family member, counselor, or minister - what matters is getting help to learn how to carry this burden we must carry alone. Just because we have this weight no one else may relieve us from, it doesn't require sequestering ourselves to walk the journey. We may choose the solitude on some days, which is perfectly fine when we need down time, but we also need human interaction and someone to guide us on this broken terrain.
Imagine your life as a house built of bricks. Each day, every action, every choice, every human bond you strengthen, every dream you pursue, every hope you treasure, builds another brick onto your house. Adversely, every wrong turn, every failure, every enemy you make, every broken dream, every loss you face, every undesirable situation, makes those same bricks crumble down. Some days may be breaking more bricks than building them, no one is perfect. What do you do when the entire house comes crashing down around you? Where do you turn? What hope do you have?
The most important part of your house is the foundation. Is there anything left holding up your house? If the foundation was only a sandy beach, it won't be much good in the storm.
We are all created to search, to be needy, to crave, to desire something bigger than us.
Most of our childhood is spent learning how to "do it myself", and many of us never grow out of that selfish stage where we realize there are some things we can never do alone.
We become hamsters on a treadmill, running and never arriving, always looking for that next big thing.
When brother's toy isn't enough, we want sister's trike.
We get tired of Johnny's cool bike and need that cool truck.
Then, a truck doesn't go as fast as that beautiful sports car, and what good is a car without a girl to ride along?
Soon, you find your old job isn't getting you up the ladder fast enough, and your yard isn't as big as the Jones'.
Well, supper has to be eaten in five minutes so you can take little Charlie to ball practice and Sally to dance class, and that stupid phone just cracked on the pavement when your three dogs chased the cat across your spotless lawn, digging a few holes as they tried burying another bone.
Nothing is ever good enough, no one has time to stop and enjoy the beautiful sunset.
We begin questioning the madness of it all, and look for ways to ease the stress. Some can't wait for Friday night, to drown their troubles in just one more bottle. Some think love is the answer, and hope maybe this is the perfect one to fulfill all their wishes. Some might stay at work just a little longer, until they are burning both ends, not noticing the wick is almost gone. Some even go overboard in religion, trying to please a demanding, cold, harsh god. Some dabble in drugs, losing every one around them including their whole self. Some are only seeking a thrill or two, just anything to ignore that ache inside. The nagging, squirming feeling that there must be something more than this.
So what happens when the unspeakable happens, when you wish time could be rewound, and you could have said that last goodbye, you could hold them one more time, and you could say "I love you" like before?
But now all you hold are memories.
Cold, unfeeling and sterile. I know.
There is something more, something bigger than us, something to hold onto when life as we know it comes crashing down. I know this, and maybe, you know this too. Perhaps you don't know. You can't believe in anything right now.
Everything you've ever known seems to crumble into yesterday. Time has stopped for you. All is lost, why carry on?
We must carry on, because they can not.
What are we to do with the time we have left?
Live, for those who once did.
Love, with as much love as you have tucked in your heart.
Remember, every little memory you keep, for that is how they are shared with others.
Never stop grieving, that is the nature of your love for them.
When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable,
and the mortal with immortality,
then the saying that has been written will come true: 'Death has been swallowed up in victory'. -1 Corinthians 15:54
"Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep.
For the Lord Himself will come down from heaven with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God,
And the dead in Christ will rise first.
After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air.
And so we will be with the Lord forever.
Therefore encourage each other with these words." 1Thessalonians 4:13-18
↝ Stories from the journey of my life ↜ written by: Sue Leerhoff ↝ follow me on my Facebook page ↜ - Brick by Brick
Thank you for sharing your heart! Love you!❤
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