The Wails of Walmart
It's a warm and peacefully quiet Monday afternoon.
You decide today is a great day to go shopping at your local discount store.
Thinking it's hot enough that all the activity will be splashing away in a pool somewhere.
Anywhere. Away from you, anyhow.
Life is different now.
Crowds of people no longer feel invigorating.
In fact, more than a very small group of close friends or family, is nothing short of draining.
The simplest way to cope is to avoid them.
But still, the world revolves around get-togethers.
Celebrations are dull at times, harsh even.
Holidays of any sort are painful.
Another sharp reminder that someone you love can no longer brighten the room.
Their chair remains empty.
Sacred, somehow.
OK, FOCUS.
You are parking the car.
Don't run over the little old lady shuffling across to the cart returns.
Put your blinker on so the red jalopy knows you are actually turning here.
Yes! You scored the parking spot closest to the exit, making it easier to escape if needed.
You have learned the habits of a seasoned policeman, always on the lookout for the closest door.
Since your loss, you have encountered far too many rude or
"well-meaning" folks who just can't seem to keep their thoughts to themselves.
You have acquired the skill of knowing who is safe to meet in public and
who you really need to run the other direction from, just to save your dignity and sanity.
ALL RIGHT NOW.
You really need to stay on task here.
Where is that grocery list anyway?
Got it.
Let's see, better pick up shampoo and things before heading to the grocery section.
It's much too hot to lug the milk and eggs all over the store.
Wow! You really picked a good day to come here.
Just a few stragglers with the same idea.
The ones who just want to come out of the heat while most people are crowded on the beach.
They didn't refill the pantry this weekend either, knowing how long the lines would be.
The shoppers are polite and smiling, knowing you are a kindred spirit.
Let them shop in silence.
Ahh. Silence.
No boss breathing down your neck to get 'er done.
No nosy acquaintances wondering if you are finally over the death.
No great-great aunt with her mind full of questions...
No
>"WAAAAAAAH! Wa-Ha-Ha-aaaaaaaa! MOMMMMY!MOOOOOOOM.MOOOOOMMMM.
MMMaaahhhhhhh!I want that toy! I want it! Moooooooom.Mommmmmmmy!MOOOOMM!
WAHaaaaaaaHaaaaWaaaantThaaatToyyyyyyyyyy!"
...well, there goes the silence...
>"MOOOOOm.MOOOOOm.MOOOOOm.MOOOOOm.MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMYYY!"
...ok, this child needs something, but definitely not that toy...
>"MOOOOM.ISAIDIWANTTHATTOY!!!!!IWANTTHATTOY.IWANTTHATTOY!!!!MOOOMM!"
>"SHUtup Johnny.SITDOWNandshutup.Now. ItoldyoutositdownandbequietNOW!!"
>"WAAAAAAHHHHH!Wahahahahahthattoy!A-a-a-a-a-a-a-awah!TOY!"
>"JOHNNY. I told you no! Put it back. Now. And stop crying like a baby. You're going to wake up little Sally. Shuush your mouth!!"
>"But moooom.MOOOOOOM!Istillwantthattoy.MOOOOM!"
>"I told you already, we are not getting that toy,
and now you woke up baby Sally.
SHUTUP!"
..cue beastly loud fake sobs...
>"Put back that toy and sit down!"
...very brief silence...
>"NO! I want that toy Mommmy, pweeez?"
>"What did I say?
Mommy is going to count to three and you better put that toy back.
1... PPUT IT BBACK!
2... You better listen!
3...Johnny, if you don't put back that toy I'm telling your father. PUT back THE toy! Stop crying."
...Oh, great. It sounds like they are getting closer.
Better swerve around the paint aisle, they surely aren't coming here.
Since this is an adaptation of a very real story,
I will let you know that names and places have been changed for privacy.
Also I will spare you the details of how long this goes on.
Just writing it down gives me a headache.
Suffice it to say, this continued almost an entire shopping trip.
Same child. Same toy. Same pathetic cries. Same haggard mother yelling in return.
The voices could be heard from one end of the store to another.
No kidding.
What happened?
The child not only was allowed to keep the oh so important toy, but was also given a choice of candies in exchange for "shutting up".
It made me want to cry.
I so wanted to take that poor mother by the shoulders and tell her to get ahold of herself.
I wanted to take that cursed toy away from the child, set him down in the cart, rock the whimpering baby, and tell them just how rude they are being to each other. (never mind the whole store).
I wanted to tell the mother to ignore her child's demands and enjoy the trip together.
I wanted to let her know that babies grow up much too fast.
I wanted to show them how shopping could become a game, to see who can find the next item first.
I wanted to ask the child how many of that one toy he already has at home.
I wanted them to cherish the ever so fragile brief time they will have to love each other instead of buying more junk as a substitute for instruction and manners.
But I didn't.
I never would have been so bold.
But now, I am so much more aware of tragedies like this.
It hurts the mother soul in me.
Also, she never asked for help.
"why would she ask anyone?" you say.
Because she is a lot like all of us.
"what is that supposed to mean?"
We all think we have everything under complete control.
We don't need any help.
But clearly, we are spinning completely out of control.
The imperfectly perfect world we used to know doesn't exist any longer.
We may appear all together on the outside,
but the depths of our grief take us to places few can ever fathom.
We are fractured in more ways than can be explained.
How do we ever begin to collect the fragments of our former self,
when the world we once knew is buried under our broken family?
Let me remind you as I must frequently remind myself,
We CAN NOT do this alone.
We were never meant to do life alone.
This is why we all crave human interaction.
Even if you think you would be so much better off without ever speaking to another soul again.
We need love.
We need to love in return.
We need to know our efforts matter.
We need to know we are wanted.
Even when we are unlovable.
Especially when we are unlovable.
Guess what? Every other human on the planet needs it, too.
When the burden of grief weighs us down,
it can give us something the rest of the world can not see.
It is terrible, devastating, cruel, real, and permanent.
And yet, pain and sorrow has the ability to give us more compassion.
The dark and lonely places that visit us at any given moment, can either drag us down, swallow us whole and curse the rest of your loved ones with even more sorrow and hideous pain;
or it can give us new sight to see the agony carried in someone else's eyes.
We don't need to be like Job's friends, who think they have the answers that somehow seem to evade "poor, miserably messed up Job".
We need to become like Job.
His tragedies can be felt by us.
His conversations with God can mirror our own.
His life is a lesson for all, but relevant to where we live now.
He realized his friends gave ridiculous advice.
It hurt.
He even told some of them what he thought.
If you read long enough, you see Job yelling at God, too.
Continue reading the entire book of Job and you can understand where I am taking you.
The wails of these people are useless.
They are irritating, rude, and thoughtless.
The reader wishes these guys would have taken time to think before they opened their mouth.
Have you read this book before?
Yes?
Then you might realize that the Heavenly Father agrees with you, dear reader.
Wha-at?
Yes.
He tells them to keep quiet, they are running their mouths,
and don't know what they are talking about!
The Lord reminds them that He is in control,
even when it obviously LOOKS like it most certainly is not.
He wants us, and them, to think before we speak.
He wants us to understand that He is ALWAYS with us,
even when we feel so alone and misunderstood.
Even when we think we know what's best for us.
Even when it hurts.
Oh dear God, it hurts.
Have mercy.
GOD HAVE MERCY.
I AM SO LOST AND BROKEN.
I don't understand why this is happening to me.
Why my family?
Why tragedy and cruelty?
WHY?
Why?
Why?
I am sure you have been right here.
Like me, you wonder how this could happen.
Like Job, everything is swirling out of control.
Like Job's friends and even his wife, those around you have said things that sting
worse than a swarm of angry bees chasing a bear.
We all lash out at those who need us most, leaving a barrage of messy feelings sprawled out on the bottom corner of hearts, of friends and family alike.
We have begged and pleaded and bargained with God.
Angry at the brutality of life taken too quickly,
or maybe ripped away slowly as we watch in helpless agony and scream at the sky.
We are, whether we realize it or not, crying out for help.
We can't do this alone.
Life is hard.
Death is even harder, for us.
It doesn't seem fair.
But, like Job, we can get help.
Like Job's friends, we can eventually see our story is not the only side of life.
Like me, I must remember this life is not the end,
even when it feels like a brick wall smashing into our world at 90 miles an hour.
Like that greedy child at the store, we want everything our way.
What we must figure out is, that our comfortable life isn't the only one that matters.
There is a much greater purpose than our 70 or so years on this planet.
What matters is what we will do with those 613,200 or more, hours that we have to share our lives.
Will we spend the rest of our days and nights only wanting that loved one to return,
knowing full well they can't?
Will we take the time to love those who are still walking beside us on the long walk home?
Love isn't purchasing their attention and loyalty.
Love isn't railing on them to stop bugging you.
Love isn't giving in to demands of those who don't understand what you have been through.
Love isn't slamming the door on those who try valiantly to keep your spirits up.
Love isn't giving up.
You might feel like Foreigner, the group who sang - "I Wanna Know What Love Is".
You might be like the writer Mick Jones' wife, when she heard the lyrics.
She was upset that he would ask such a silly question.
Of course he should know what love is!
But deep down, we all need love, more love than humanly possible.
When we get to the place most would call rock bottom, the only place left to go is up.
We need to ask God to help us understand how to love again.
How to live again.
All we need to do is ask.
The setting sun doesn't have to be the trigger that takes us to depths of darkness.
The rising sun shouldn't be a weight on our chest yelling at us to get going.
It might start out like that, but it doesn't have to stay that way.
When we learn a new skill, it comes from someone who has already mastered it.
Or, at least has started and is further ahead.
I have been where you are.
I may be there again tomorrow, or in five minutes.
But when I practice my new found skills, I get better at it.
Tomorrow may be easier than yesterday.
Next week could be harder than last month.
But I know what Love is.
I have seen it, felt it, held it in my arms.
As long as I have breath, I can recall those moments and smile.
Because I know what Love is, and I want to show you.
And you. And you. And you.
Go and tell someone what Love is.
I want you to show them.
Just watch your back - that toy might be sailing in your direction.
Give that harried mom a sweet smile, compliment her on taking her children on such a difficult trip.
Let her know that it gets better.
It's not perfect, but better.
Curious? check out the story from Foreigner -
https://www.loudersound.com/features/the-story-behind-the-song-i-want-to-know-what-love-is-by-foreigner
Learning lessons from life, the book of Job, and a Foreigner
Brick by Brick
written by: Sue Leerhoff
You decide today is a great day to go shopping at your local discount store.
Thinking it's hot enough that all the activity will be splashing away in a pool somewhere.
Anywhere. Away from you, anyhow.
Life is different now.
Crowds of people no longer feel invigorating.
In fact, more than a very small group of close friends or family, is nothing short of draining.
The simplest way to cope is to avoid them.
But still, the world revolves around get-togethers.
Celebrations are dull at times, harsh even.
Holidays of any sort are painful.
Another sharp reminder that someone you love can no longer brighten the room.
Their chair remains empty.
Sacred, somehow.
OK, FOCUS.
You are parking the car.
Don't run over the little old lady shuffling across to the cart returns.
Put your blinker on so the red jalopy knows you are actually turning here.
Yes! You scored the parking spot closest to the exit, making it easier to escape if needed.
You have learned the habits of a seasoned policeman, always on the lookout for the closest door.
Since your loss, you have encountered far too many rude or
"well-meaning" folks who just can't seem to keep their thoughts to themselves.
You have acquired the skill of knowing who is safe to meet in public and
who you really need to run the other direction from, just to save your dignity and sanity.
ALL RIGHT NOW.
You really need to stay on task here.
Where is that grocery list anyway?
Got it.
Let's see, better pick up shampoo and things before heading to the grocery section.
It's much too hot to lug the milk and eggs all over the store.
Wow! You really picked a good day to come here.
Just a few stragglers with the same idea.
The ones who just want to come out of the heat while most people are crowded on the beach.
They didn't refill the pantry this weekend either, knowing how long the lines would be.
The shoppers are polite and smiling, knowing you are a kindred spirit.
Let them shop in silence.
Ahh. Silence.
No boss breathing down your neck to get 'er done.
No nosy acquaintances wondering if you are finally over the death.
No great-great aunt with her mind full of questions...
No
>"WAAAAAAAH! Wa-Ha-Ha-aaaaaaaa! MOMMMMY!MOOOOOOOM.MOOOOOMMMM.
MMMaaahhhhhhh!I want that toy! I want it! Moooooooom.Mommmmmmmy!MOOOOMM!
WAHaaaaaaaHaaaaWaaaantThaaatToyyyyyyyyyy!"
...well, there goes the silence...
>"MOOOOOm.MOOOOOm.MOOOOOm.MOOOOOm.MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMYYY!"
...ok, this child needs something, but definitely not that toy...
>"MOOOOM.ISAIDIWANTTHATTOY!!!!!IWANTTHATTOY.IWANTTHATTOY!!!!MOOOMM!"
>"SHUtup Johnny.SITDOWNandshutup.Now. ItoldyoutositdownandbequietNOW!!"
>"WAAAAAAHHHHH!Wahahahahahthattoy!A-a-a-a-a-a-a-awah!TOY!"
>"JOHNNY. I told you no! Put it back. Now. And stop crying like a baby. You're going to wake up little Sally. Shuush your mouth!!"
>"But moooom.MOOOOOOM!Istillwantthattoy.MOOOOM!"
>"I told you already, we are not getting that toy,
and now you woke up baby Sally.
SHUTUP!"
..cue beastly loud fake sobs...
>"Put back that toy and sit down!"
...very brief silence...
>"NO! I want that toy Mommmy, pweeez?"
>"What did I say?
Mommy is going to count to three and you better put that toy back.
1... PPUT IT BBACK!
2... You better listen!
3...Johnny, if you don't put back that toy I'm telling your father. PUT back THE toy! Stop crying."
...Oh, great. It sounds like they are getting closer.
Better swerve around the paint aisle, they surely aren't coming here.
Since this is an adaptation of a very real story,
I will let you know that names and places have been changed for privacy.
Also I will spare you the details of how long this goes on.
Just writing it down gives me a headache.
Suffice it to say, this continued almost an entire shopping trip.
Same child. Same toy. Same pathetic cries. Same haggard mother yelling in return.
The voices could be heard from one end of the store to another.
No kidding.
What happened?
The child not only was allowed to keep the oh so important toy, but was also given a choice of candies in exchange for "shutting up".
It made me want to cry.
I so wanted to take that poor mother by the shoulders and tell her to get ahold of herself.
I wanted to take that cursed toy away from the child, set him down in the cart, rock the whimpering baby, and tell them just how rude they are being to each other. (never mind the whole store).
I wanted to tell the mother to ignore her child's demands and enjoy the trip together.
I wanted to let her know that babies grow up much too fast.
I wanted to show them how shopping could become a game, to see who can find the next item first.
I wanted to ask the child how many of that one toy he already has at home.
I wanted them to cherish the ever so fragile brief time they will have to love each other instead of buying more junk as a substitute for instruction and manners.
But I didn't.
I never would have been so bold.
But now, I am so much more aware of tragedies like this.
It hurts the mother soul in me.
Also, she never asked for help.
"why would she ask anyone?" you say.
Because she is a lot like all of us.
"what is that supposed to mean?"
We all think we have everything under complete control.
We don't need any help.
But clearly, we are spinning completely out of control.
The imperfectly perfect world we used to know doesn't exist any longer.
We may appear all together on the outside,
but the depths of our grief take us to places few can ever fathom.
We are fractured in more ways than can be explained.
How do we ever begin to collect the fragments of our former self,
when the world we once knew is buried under our broken family?
Let me remind you as I must frequently remind myself,
We CAN NOT do this alone.
We were never meant to do life alone.
This is why we all crave human interaction.
Even if you think you would be so much better off without ever speaking to another soul again.
We need love.
We need to love in return.
We need to know our efforts matter.
We need to know we are wanted.
Even when we are unlovable.
Especially when we are unlovable.
Guess what? Every other human on the planet needs it, too.
When the burden of grief weighs us down,
it can give us something the rest of the world can not see.
It is terrible, devastating, cruel, real, and permanent.
And yet, pain and sorrow has the ability to give us more compassion.
The dark and lonely places that visit us at any given moment, can either drag us down, swallow us whole and curse the rest of your loved ones with even more sorrow and hideous pain;
or it can give us new sight to see the agony carried in someone else's eyes.
We don't need to be like Job's friends, who think they have the answers that somehow seem to evade "poor, miserably messed up Job".
We need to become like Job.
His tragedies can be felt by us.
His conversations with God can mirror our own.
His life is a lesson for all, but relevant to where we live now.
He realized his friends gave ridiculous advice.
It hurt.
He even told some of them what he thought.
If you read long enough, you see Job yelling at God, too.
Continue reading the entire book of Job and you can understand where I am taking you.
The wails of these people are useless.
They are irritating, rude, and thoughtless.
The reader wishes these guys would have taken time to think before they opened their mouth.
Have you read this book before?
Yes?
Then you might realize that the Heavenly Father agrees with you, dear reader.
Wha-at?
Yes.
He tells them to keep quiet, they are running their mouths,
and don't know what they are talking about!
The Lord reminds them that He is in control,
even when it obviously LOOKS like it most certainly is not.
He wants us, and them, to think before we speak.
He wants us to understand that He is ALWAYS with us,
even when we feel so alone and misunderstood.
Even when we think we know what's best for us.
Even when it hurts.
Oh dear God, it hurts.
Have mercy.
GOD HAVE MERCY.
I AM SO LOST AND BROKEN.
I don't understand why this is happening to me.
Why my family?
Why tragedy and cruelty?
WHY?
Why?
Why?
I am sure you have been right here.
Like me, you wonder how this could happen.
Like Job, everything is swirling out of control.
Like Job's friends and even his wife, those around you have said things that sting
worse than a swarm of angry bees chasing a bear.
We all lash out at those who need us most, leaving a barrage of messy feelings sprawled out on the bottom corner of hearts, of friends and family alike.
We have begged and pleaded and bargained with God.
Angry at the brutality of life taken too quickly,
or maybe ripped away slowly as we watch in helpless agony and scream at the sky.
We are, whether we realize it or not, crying out for help.
We can't do this alone.
Life is hard.
Death is even harder, for us.
It doesn't seem fair.
But, like Job, we can get help.
Like Job's friends, we can eventually see our story is not the only side of life.
Like me, I must remember this life is not the end,
even when it feels like a brick wall smashing into our world at 90 miles an hour.
Like that greedy child at the store, we want everything our way.
What we must figure out is, that our comfortable life isn't the only one that matters.
There is a much greater purpose than our 70 or so years on this planet.
What matters is what we will do with those 613,200 or more, hours that we have to share our lives.
Will we spend the rest of our days and nights only wanting that loved one to return,
knowing full well they can't?
Will we take the time to love those who are still walking beside us on the long walk home?
Love isn't purchasing their attention and loyalty.
Love isn't railing on them to stop bugging you.
Love isn't giving in to demands of those who don't understand what you have been through.
Love isn't slamming the door on those who try valiantly to keep your spirits up.
Love isn't giving up.
You might feel like Foreigner, the group who sang - "I Wanna Know What Love Is".
You might be like the writer Mick Jones' wife, when she heard the lyrics.
She was upset that he would ask such a silly question.
Of course he should know what love is!
But deep down, we all need love, more love than humanly possible.
When we get to the place most would call rock bottom, the only place left to go is up.
We need to ask God to help us understand how to love again.
How to live again.
All we need to do is ask.
The setting sun doesn't have to be the trigger that takes us to depths of darkness.
The rising sun shouldn't be a weight on our chest yelling at us to get going.
It might start out like that, but it doesn't have to stay that way.
When we learn a new skill, it comes from someone who has already mastered it.
Or, at least has started and is further ahead.
I have been where you are.
I may be there again tomorrow, or in five minutes.
But when I practice my new found skills, I get better at it.
Tomorrow may be easier than yesterday.
Next week could be harder than last month.
But I know what Love is.
I have seen it, felt it, held it in my arms.
As long as I have breath, I can recall those moments and smile.
Because I know what Love is, and I want to show you.
And you. And you. And you.
Go and tell someone what Love is.
I want you to show them.
Just watch your back - that toy might be sailing in your direction.
Give that harried mom a sweet smile, compliment her on taking her children on such a difficult trip.
Let her know that it gets better.
It's not perfect, but better.
Curious? check out the story from Foreigner -
https://www.loudersound.com/features/the-story-behind-the-song-i-want-to-know-what-love-is-by-foreigner
Learning lessons from life, the book of Job, and a Foreigner
Brick by Brick
written by: Sue Leerhoff
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