Where Do We Go From Here?

Tragedy. It can bring out the worst in us, or it can bring out a strength we never knew we had. We can run from it, we can face it, we can become angry, we can find peace. Or, most likely it will be a agonizing, painful mix of everything. 

Loss and heartbreak do not go away on the holidays. It doesn't take vacation days. It follows you like a stray cat. Hungry, and scared. Will you befriend that part of you, or will you ignore it, hoping it leaves on its own? Let's imagine that stray cat is a tiger instead. Now how do you take care of that?

I know my pain is not "unique"; someone, somewhere has gone through something similar. Yes, my exact situation is unique to me and my family.  Not every scenario plays out the same, not every personality reacts the same, not every relationship has the exact connection, but the choices are always the same. What will we do with what we have now?

What now? Where do we go from here? 

Questions demand answers, and they can drive you senseless if all you do is run those questions by then never find any solutions. When problems arise continually as if in a battle field, you may lose your sense of direction and become disoriented. The key is to find a focal point, a place to return to, a lighthouse, a base of safety. 

When the rug has been ripped away from underneath your feet, you must first take time to right yourself, before getting up and straightening the scenery. 

What that looks like depends on you. 

Take all those shattered pieces, 

one by one, 

lay them out in front of you 

and see what you can find there. 

You might get a few more cuts and bruises along the way, but it is important to clean up the room to be able to start over. 

Some things are so broken, there is no way to fix them, you know you must go on, it hurts like hell right now, but it will fade in time. Take all the time you need.

Some of the shattered bits may be completely useless, toss that out. 

Some parts may be perfectly fine and able to function as well as before, add those to the "save" pile. 

There may be some things that look hopeless right now, but don't throw them out just yet, it's not over until it is over. There is always still hope.

Some tidbits are precious, those wonderful memories that never grow old, keep those in a safe place. 

Some of the shrapnel may hurt forever, keep that as the price of love.

Then the part where we learn to put it all back together can look like a masterpiece. 

Bit by bit, 

Brick by Brick, 

It becomes something new, a little time-worn, but full of love and appreciation for all you have been and who you are becoming. 

While you have gone through all the debris and are working on the pain, you may notice that life keeps moving forward. The time it has taken you to sort out the situation is fluid and always changing,  the job may never be finished and that's OK. You may feel as if you are in a time warp, and in a way, you are. Your time-line has been disrupted and you aren't running on the same track as your neighbor's.

Remember: Comparison is for grocery shopping, not for our running our lives. 

To be clear, just because "Johnny" and "Sally" made peace with their tragedies in six months, and you may still be reeling in confusion several years later, does not mean you are a failure. Every situation is different and  each family has their own issues; multiply that by all the ingredients, life experiences, challenges, strengths and weaknesses, and the recipe gets really complicated. 

But it will be beautiful if we keep working on it,  improving those rough spots, shining up the dull areas, adding more here and there to make it better than ever.

Uniquely you. Just as God has been waiting for all along. 

What does my holiday season look like?

It's complicated. 

But we can do this. 

One day at a time.

One piece at a time.

Because of Love, 

because of Hope 

and 

Peace that this world cannot give,

and a Future that cannot be taken away,

because of these I continue on @ Brick by Brick