CAUTION: Bridge Out Ahead

Summertime. 

The season of everlasting road construction. 

Warning: Bridge Out Ahead - is not a sign you like to see on your gravel road. 

That quaint little wooden bridge that the children once stood on, looking down at the murky water, watching for tadpoles squiggling about. 

The bridge that was just far enough away for a short trip on bikes. 

That bridge is gone now. 

A gaping hole remains, all the boards gone, the steel beam torn away, and the dirt is piled higher than the bridge ever was. 

By the time summer is over, I am sure there will be a brand new, safe, little bridge in it's place. 

But until then, every time we want to go that direction, we remember we can't. 

We have to find a way around it, a detour. 

If we were to forget and continue on that road, we would fall in and most certainly ruin our vehicle and maybe make it out with just a couple broken bones.

- So, avoid the bridge road. Follow the signs. Use common sense.

- It will take longer than the usual route, and there will be much more re-routed traffic, taking a little more out of our day. 

- It will be tiresome and everyone will be in a much better mood when it's over. 

- And there will be a brand new bridge soon. 

 

 It's not so simple, when a child dies. 

There is such a big, gaping hole left behind where your son or daughter used to live, that it's easy to fall in, every single day. 

But there will be no road construction here. 

That hole will never be repaired. 

It will not be over soon. 

There will be some people in your life who will avoid you altogether. 

There may be some who want to come near, but are afraid they might fall in, too. 

Death becomes too real for them, a horrible thing they don't want for their family.... Like an infectious disease to keep at a safe distance. They don't understand, we must walk this path with a permanent hole in our family fabric for the entire trip. 

There is no vacation from a death in the family. Or several deaths, in some families, like mine. We tread a path riddled with holes, resembling a war zone.

There are no road signs for anyone to follow. For us, or for the rest of the world.

Our son's part in our family will never ever be filled in, or replaced. 

The hole is full of pain and sorrow and loss, but we will not erase it.

In fact, we will even love what that hole represents, for that is where our love remains. 

Every precious memory we carry of Nathanael, fits in that hole. 

Every single day that we walk around the hole, and we recall the amazing days we spent as a family, he becomes a stronger part of us. The fabric that binds our wounds comes from our heavenly Father, the healer of our souls. We can not heal this on our own, it will never heal completely here on this earth. The Healer knows how to salve just the right places, to keep us safe until we are completely healed forever.

Every single day, the fabric of that hole gets a deeper layer of Love wrapped around it, protecting us, and preserving Nathanael's Legacy for one more day, as it brings us One. More. Day. Closer to seeing him again. 

                    Taking the time to walk around our hole, 
                             isn't like everyone else's life. 

                          But they don't have a bridge out.

Stories from the journey of my life by: Sue Leerhoff

Brick By Brick