The Farmer's Way

I learned two lessons today while reading my devotions.

That is amazing, considering I was reading it on my phone.

I am computer challenged, simply because I have troubles remembering how I did it last time. Much to my son's chagrin.

Realizing that, it is a miracle I even have a blog and a coinciding facebook page Brick by Brick, which I single-handedly constructed without asking for help. "Woo -Hoo!"

In my "old school ways", I enjoy the feel of a book in my hand.
The way the crisp pages turn, it seems I can touch the soul of the writer.

Then again, in my "old crippled ways" - a book gets too heavy to hold,
bending over a table and keeping the pages down is a hard task.
So, I am using my phone for devotions, but I still use the computer to write my stories.

That said, I have forgotten why I was writing - See?
This is why I have a long way to go in therapy...

As you can imagine, I may feel pretty much useless at times.
But I have to remember, I can't do anything in my own strength.
I am just a vine in the Farmer's field.

I was reading a devotional called "Flowers from Old Wood" this morning.
In the 15 chapter of John, he is quoting Jesus - "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit for apart from Me you can do nothing."

From a farmer's point of view I understand this concept.

It is important to discard the dead wood, and to prune the branches of any fruit tree or vine, and roses as well, to keep them at their best performance.
If there is deadwood, it can inhibit the proper growth of the fresh sprouts.

You could just leave it all go the way of nature, but that isn't the farmer's way.

We are given the task of doing the best we can with what has been given to us,
to achieve the best results.
We are vine dressers of the land, tending fruit trees and vines to enjoy now and in the cold winter's chill.

In order to get a bountiful crop of apples next season,
it is best to avoid clipping them after harvest,
even though it may be tempting to try to do everything all at once.

Prune them when winter is almost over,
to encourage new growth for spring,
instead of when trees should be getting ready for dormancy.

This helps us to understand the meaning of the verses which tell us that some branches are just deadwood cut to be tossed in the fire, and other branches are cut to produce more vigorous growth.

John 15:2 says "Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes so that it may bear more fruit."

Ever since the death of our son, Nathanael, I have been guilty of picking apart Bible verses,
in a self-condemning way, to misunderstand the promises of Jesus.
I have been simultaneously trusting in His words,
yet using them as a gavel of judgement against myself.

Every time I came across that verse - all I could see is the part
where He takes away that which doesn't bear fruit.

I thought God was punishing me for something, and took away the part of me that I loved too much?
I couldn't understand how God saw fit to let one of His children just slip away without a fight.
The fighter in my son, wasn't like that.
He was just getting to the point in his life, that I was so proud of how far he had come.
He had the world by the tail, and kept the heartstrings of his fiance close to his own.
How could this happen?

I know.
I have even wrote about how we see the messy, tangled up,
underside of our tapestry called life,
and how God sees the end result and the beautiful work of art called humans.
I know. I know.

But when your heart get broken, and twisted, and lies bleeding on the roadside,
your mind gets fuzzy and twisted, and lies straight to your heart.

Being a person who has always looked for the good in others, it gets confusing when the good becomes corrupt and the lines get crossed where it appears everything is your fault.

That old self-condemning voice comes out and does a fine job of skewering all the good days and months and years spent raising a beautiful family and loving a wonderful husband.
(Skewering, marinating, roasting and setting afire to the whole kit and kaboodle... what a mess I am)

Then the Master Gardner swiftly and skillfully snuffs out the flame, gently wipes away the charred edges, and proceeds to trim out any damaged wood.

When the fresh cut edges begin to heal and spring breezes find their way down into my soul,
I start to see more clearly, think rationally once again and try to listen for the Gardener's voice.

For He is not only a Gardener who prunes and waters,
He is a Farmer who takes time to prepare the soil before planting,

He waits beyond human comprehension - patiently for growth,
weeding as needed,
and harvests when the time is right.
He provides the light and protection necessary for each one.

Every single one of us is loved and cherished by the Heavenly Father
as if we were the only one who needed anything.

He knows exactly what we need, and when it is all said and done, what will remain is all that matters.

When I get to heaven - will it matter one iota how short my legs were, or if I must rely on others to get the basic duties of a household accomplished?
What will it matter that I must continue to stay on medication to function well?

Will it matter that three of my children didn't spend my whole life with me?
(They did, however spend their whole lives with us, even if I didn't get to meet them all)

Those things are only temporary, even if it doesn't feel like it from this side of the universe.

When I see my Savior's face, I will be so in awe of all that He has done,
when I thought nothing could be done.

When I see my son's face, I will be so grateful for every single moment we had on earth,
and I will again praise the One who brought us together for such a short time.
(How do I know? I think we will remember what we have learned while we are here,
and spend the rest of eternity living grateful - as opposed to the here and now, where we must strive for and practice being thankful - it's not in our finite nature)

Listening to the Farmer's voice takes practice, as well.
Anything worth doing, takes time.

In my devotions, I came to this part of the verse that I had been tripping on for so long,
and it was literally like a light came on inside!
I read - "every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit."

Instead of thinking I need to be thrown away,
I finally saw the verse saying that I am bearing fruit and I could be made bountiful.

Every fruit needs to be cared for a different way.
Every plant takes various times to grow.
Some plants need to be transplanted, and others need to be protected longer.
Who am I to say what the finished product looks like?

Instead of seeing the part where I thought the twisted version read to me,
when I would assume my son was taken away by negligence of God,
or a cruel punishment of some sort -
I saw for the first time that perhaps my son had accomplished all that he was meant to,
the lives he touched and friends who will never forget
the great guy who always made them laugh,
yet would be there in a jiffy when ever they needed a friend.

I saw for the first time, in a new light,
what I have been telling myself all along.
I am thankful for every precious minute we had.
Maybe now it's time we started seeing the world through his eyes,
because I know that everything Nathanael did, was working on being the best he could be.
I could learn a lot from my son.
In the good times, he always found the best way to enjoy life.
His joy was infectious.
In the hard times, he made every effort to change what he could.

God knows our hearts, He knows who we really are, and how much we need Him.
The Farmer/Gardener knows just when the thirsty plants need water after a drought.
The plants will be stunted from the hard times, but they will begin to grow once more.

God knows. He is the Master, the Creator, the Farmer, the Truth and the Life.
I need to continue to trust in the the Farmer's Way.
He is a much better gardener, so I should step aside and let Him do what He does best.
Maybe someday soon, like the feeling you have when you finally get a joke -
We will all say - "Oh, that makes so much more sense now!"