What's Your Story?

Every life has a story.

Your story will look much different than mine.

Your story is unique as you are.

You may not think it is that important, but to those who know you - it means the world.

Meeting a new friend, reading another book, listening to the next song, or watching one more movie; those stories would be boring if they all turned out the same.

Aren't you so glad we aren't all alike?

As adults, we lost that innocent age of early childhood,
when we would interact with whoever was nearby.
As we grew older, we gravitated towards those who are more like us,
because we would do the same things together.
Then as we continued to mature, we had to relearn how to be kind and polite to everyone.
It's too bad we adults have trouble maintaining that attitude once we leave the work place;
as if we pack away "that customer smile and patience" when clocking out for the evening.

But that's a story for another time. Or maybe not.

You see? Every event in your life is a story.

Some stories are worth repeating, others just need to be tucked away in the far corner cupboard of your memory and throw that key away;

The stories that bear repeating, even documenting for future generations to hear, are the ones that surprise you. The stories that uplift you, give you courage to keep on going when you thought you couldn't limp another step;

Perhaps the story starts out like many others you have heard before, you think you have it figured out.

Then quick as a wink, the plot twists leave you breathless, for good or bad.

That all depends - who's writing your story? ; ; ; ; ;

If you are anything like me - human, that is - you have had many ups and downs to your life journey.

More than likely, you can agree with the statement: I never expected to be here at this age.

Your journey may have been smooth or rocky, but I am sure you can find some pretty good moments in there, too.

Maybe you can't see the forest for the trees, right now.
But hold on, it will change.

Nothing stays the same forever.

If you are on a journey of grief, I am sorry.
It is a long road, a place not everyone travels the same.
The greater the love, the deeper the grief.
A once very big part of you, becomes a now big hole.
But the hole isn't really empty, if you become brave enough to look.
That empty space is full of every single smile, every wonderful day.


I too, have been on this path of sorrow for many years.
Except the path kept getting narrower and narrower for me;

I have fought death until it stared me in the face;
Even when I was expected to be happy and carefree;
I thought I understood death, and it sounded like a pretty good thing;

As a child, I lost Great Aunts and Uncles who were special to me, even Great Grandparents which I don't remember.
As a teen, there were still more distant relatives.

Those recurring thoughts turned into actions, but somehow, it always failed;

As a young adult, I lost my best friend, and many other friends to early unexpected deaths as well.
We have both lost our grandparents one by one.

I realize now, God had his hand in preventing the inevitable;
Raising a family, helps you focus on others, more than your inner demons.

We had just moved closer to my husband's parents,
had already attended several family funerals, and then,
unexpectedly, sweet Mother Joyce, our children's dear Grandma was gone.

Ten years later brought much confusion, pain and sorrow, when my brother died suddenly, also.
I was struggling with the why? question in so many ways;
My father was suffering from many health problems in the care center.
At the same time, my own health was deteriorating very quickly.


We were preparing for our daughter's wedding to be in the fall of 2015.
My youngest graduated high school.
My father passed away peacefully.
I was becoming extremely exhausted at work;
and spent pain-filled nights and days;
miserably, not sleeping well at all;

Our son, Nathanael, was engaged.
Our oldest son, encouraged me to go to the chiropractor that helped him after his car accident.
I finally gave in, deciding my new heart medication wasn't going to fix my backache.

Lo and behold! My backache was a side effect
of a crooked body for 40 plus years;
No one in all my years of doctor exams ever noticed my shortened leg.
Wonderful. Now what? More therapy.
The doctor expected results within the time period he worked with me.

My father's funeral, our son's engagement, the countdown to our daughter's wedding, my search for medical answers and who knows what else was going on during that summer;

I quit my job before the wedding, I was overwhelmed already;
Our daughter had married, moved again, and began her new job in a new town.
Two of our sons were in college, the youngest worked full-time.
The happy days lasted for an entire month, when darkness fell.
Our dear precious son, Nathanael, was dead. Gone.
Dark. So Dark. Dark days. Torturous nights.
Everything was too loud.
The world was too bright.
Just existing was offensive to me;
I wanted to shut it all off, but all I could do was scream louder;
The only reason I am here to tell the story is because of God's mercy and grace in the form of human kindness and persistence.

Today is not the day to recall those unspeakable days without reason;
Maybe never, if it is the only way to keep walking with one step in front of the other.
Whatever it takes to survive.
To live to honor our son and all he believed in, and fought so bravely.
His fight is my fight, his wars stem from mine.
They say the student is not above the teacher, but I think I learned the most.
Nathanael's will to win, his determination, drives me forward.
Every hurdle he overcame, I remember and smile now.
He lived life with gusto, and never left anyone without a smile and a great memory attached to it.
I must carry his "Will of Fire." 

This will be the fourth holiday season without our son, living with the endless winter's chill,
and still we carry on.
The daily grind of emptiness can not be cured.
It will not disappear, we must learn to live different than before.
Our lives look nothing like they did before, how could they?

It has been over three years since I started wearing corrective shoes,
and the damage is already done.
Along with my long laundry list of chronic medical issues,
the grinding of bone against bone can not be cured.
It will not disappear, I must learn to live different than before.

However, if that doctor could ask me now - I could finally say - "Yes, the shoe makes a difference."
I never finished my therapy with him, he moved away, and life kept rolling.

............................................................................................
Leaving a blank space between then and now, for that is another story;
But I am still here, learning to live a life different from before. 
Creating a safe space for those who know the path of suffering.
This is a part of Nathanael's Legacy.

If you could ask me now, I could confidently say -
"Yes, my faith in God makes all the difference.
Without him, I wouldn't be here to tell our story."

As the song "The Raconteur" by The Wedding, says - 
we who carry on, are meant to tell the stories of those who have gone before us.

What's your story to tell?
Who and what, has made a difference in your life?
Someone needs to hear your story today.

More stories ; ; ; ; ; ; from the journey of life ; ; ; ; ; ; ;
by: Sue Leerhoff 
Brick by Brick