Between War and Peace
In just two days, we should be celebrating our son's 27th birthday, with his bride and the rest of the family. But the reality of this grieving mother is as complicated as Tolstoy's "War and Peace".
The achingly lo-o-o-ong story set during Napoleon's invasion of Russia which takes you deep into the lives of such diverse characters, rich and poor alike, the influential and those of seemingly no consequence. The ride Tolstoy brings us on in his famous novel is straight out of the pages of humanity. Everyone has a part to play in the grand scheme of things, and not everything works out neatly in the end. During the story, there's a war going on, not only in the country, but in the lives of all the characters.
I am fighting a war as well. A battle between war and peace.
I know my son is safe in the arms of Jesus. His battles are over, Nathanael has finished the war. I should be at peace, and deep down I am, because I know where he is, I didn't "lose" my son. But I am still human, I am still his mom and he is still gone. He is still my son and I love every single thing about him.
Some people may look and say - "What about the rest of the family? They are still here, you can celebrate birthdays and anniversaries with them." Yes, but even in a celebration there is darkness, and everyone feels the the ache. A hole where my son should be. All the things that we once shared are tainted with sorrow and loss.
You who have lost a loved one, who was once a part of every day in your lives, know the depth of emptiness I am talking about. The multitude of events that will never happen. There was no wedding, no invite to the first home they would share, no kisses for a newborn grandchild. So many moments a mother holds dear to her heart. Our dream is to share those precious moments with all of our children.
To the distant observer our loss is the only battle they may know.
But just like in Tolstoy's world, there's more than one war going on inside everyone and we can't even see it. Like the wind, we may see how it affects things around us, but never actually see the wind itself.
There is the war of two natures. Paul puts it best in Romans 7:18 when he says - " For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out."
We have choices to make every single day. Which battles to fight and which to let Someone else fight for us.
The hostilities of the mind may be the harshest conflicts to keep at bay.
I must be the one who physically drinks the green tea instead of filling up the shot glass. I must fight every day against the attacks of my immune system. It is my responsibility to be careful how I treat my body, not my doctor.
I can pray all day for peace, but if I do not do anything to promote peace, it will still evade me.
I may ask God to help me, but I must allow Him to enter into enemy territory.
Much wisdom is found in tales of long ago, like the Cherokee legend says - " we must feed the right wolf. "
So, between war and peace - I must choose to engage the peace from heaven instead.
Sue Leerhoff - Brick by Brick
I am fighting a war as well. A battle between war and peace.
I know my son is safe in the arms of Jesus. His battles are over, Nathanael has finished the war. I should be at peace, and deep down I am, because I know where he is, I didn't "lose" my son. But I am still human, I am still his mom and he is still gone. He is still my son and I love every single thing about him.
Some people may look and say - "What about the rest of the family? They are still here, you can celebrate birthdays and anniversaries with them." Yes, but even in a celebration there is darkness, and everyone feels the the ache. A hole where my son should be. All the things that we once shared are tainted with sorrow and loss.
You who have lost a loved one, who was once a part of every day in your lives, know the depth of emptiness I am talking about. The multitude of events that will never happen. There was no wedding, no invite to the first home they would share, no kisses for a newborn grandchild. So many moments a mother holds dear to her heart. Our dream is to share those precious moments with all of our children.
To the distant observer our loss is the only battle they may know.
But just like in Tolstoy's world, there's more than one war going on inside everyone and we can't even see it. Like the wind, we may see how it affects things around us, but never actually see the wind itself.
There is the war of two natures. Paul puts it best in Romans 7:18 when he says - " For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out."
We have choices to make every single day. Which battles to fight and which to let Someone else fight for us.
The hostilities of the mind may be the harshest conflicts to keep at bay.
I must be the one who physically drinks the green tea instead of filling up the shot glass. I must fight every day against the attacks of my immune system. It is my responsibility to be careful how I treat my body, not my doctor.
I can pray all day for peace, but if I do not do anything to promote peace, it will still evade me.
I may ask God to help me, but I must allow Him to enter into enemy territory.
Much wisdom is found in tales of long ago, like the Cherokee legend says - " we must feed the right wolf. "
So, between war and peace - I must choose to engage the peace from heaven instead.
Sue Leerhoff - Brick by Brick
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