This Side of Heaven's Door

Have you ever dreamed of what heaven's door looks like?

It isn't uncommon for those who have lost a loved one, to have dreams so real that you aren't sure if it was a dream. To wake up with tears in your eyes because you want it to be true.

In one of my dreams about Nathanael, I woke up with not only tears because I had to leave, but I was also sweating, on my legs. In my struggle with Psoriatic Arthritis, I also sweat at random any way, but all over. So it made it harder to come back to reality, because I was dreaming of a doorway full of light, but with the rush of a river and smooth, round stones - and I could feel them. I don't remember the whole dream, only that I really wanted to go through that doorway and I had taken my socks and shoes off, and started to dip my toes in the strange water that flowed both in and out of the hole.  

The last scene impacted me so much, I immediately tried to draw a picture of the doorway. Then I thought of the verse which I wrote on the picture.

The mind is an incredible place which can take us on pleasant joy rides or through chambers of horror.

It is a training ground for the marathon of life. 

 What we feed our minds is what fuels our endurance.

I wish I could follow my son's passion for running, to help keep his memory alive. But the best I can do with my achy bones, is slowly stroll down the same old, dusty roads that he once loved so well. Some days, it's even necessary to use my hiking stick to steady my gait. 

Life on this side of heaven's door isn't always so beautiful. Sometimes, the other wolf growls back at me, intimidating my courage. My heart falters, once again. No matter how tightly I think the cage is locked, darkness gnaws away at the light, silently screaming to be let loose.

On those days, I must lavishly bask in the goodness of my heavenly Father. Open the shades of my heart and let the Sunshine stream in. I search for nuggets of truth, that are hidden in the storehouses of my memory, days of long ago, when life wasn't so very complicated. The days when no matter what we went through as a family, I knew God had us in the palm of His hand, and it would be ok.

The verse that held me together when nothing made sense, (Be still and know that I am God - Psalm 46:10)  is what I hold close every day, just as close as I hold each memory of our son, and I hear his voice echoing the Father, saying - "It will be ok." 

I don't know what's on the other side of heaven's door. I know my son is waiting for me there, and many other family, too. But most of all - I know my Savior is waiting for me and will someday run to greet me when I do step through that door and enter in for eternity. And I will run as fast as I can to hug my son (which in itself will be amazing - hugs weren't his favorite thing from mom!), and perhaps he can introduce me to his younger siblings, whom I have never held in my arms, only in my heart.

This story is a good way to look at heaven's door -

 http://hopeforlife.org/2010/04/the-other-side-of-the-door/

 

 Sue Leerhoff  - Brick by Brick